Not ready...

So today It started out decent. I took my girls school shopping for my oldest. Which was incredibly fun especially since it's her first year. Cleaned some of my house and spent some time texting David. Thought it was looking up. That is till he tells me that he spoke to an E6 down there who stated that they were looking at deloying at the end of September. REALLY?!?! I mean come on now. As if I didn't already think 2-4 months was quick enough now I'm being told less than 2 months. Can someone come help me pull my heart out of my throat because I think I'm temporarily paralyzed.  I can tell you all this much. I know I have a heart and I know it works cause it was pounding like crazy. Well I guess that makes up my mind about whether I should move down there or not yet. So there's a question answered. Now if only I could find answers to the other 900 floating around in my head. Plus there's always worst case scenarios playing in my head. The main one being what would happen if he didn't come back from over there. I know it's a terrible thought and should be stricken from my mind. I know I shouldn't think like that but it absolutely makes me a wreck. To permanently raise three kids on my own. I am not that strong. During his training I was having a hard time cause I couldn't sleep and didn't eat like I should of. What's a deployment going to do to me? Then there's the girls. Not a day goes by that the two older ones don't ask about him and when he's coming home. They miss him alot and it's breaking my heart that I can't produce him out of thin air.  And I still have so much to get done before he goes over. Like the power of attorney. Don't even know where to begin with that. Nothing is ever cut and dry. I'm learning this more and more everyday.

Today I've had part of a chorus to a song running through my head
"I'm an emotional girl
I can't help myself
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I do both and I don't know why
I got a Passionate heart
And that's just the way things are"

That describes me to a "T"

 I do have a touch of good news though. I've been holding on to it for over a week now. LOL that's impressive for me I hate holding good news. I didn't want to jinx it til it was all over., but my ex husband has agreed to give up his parental rights on my two oldest girls. I have to take care of the lawyer and the paperwork but it has to stay out of court. Then we'll get it notorized and we will start the process of David adopting the girls. So three cheers there!!  For now I think I will end on that thought. I will probably be writing again before the night is over. Last night I was up till almost 3am. It seems to be a pattern for me. Sorry this bounces around so much. Next post I'll try and straighten the thoughts out better.