As I near the ending of my husband's first deployment tragedy hits. He lost one of his very close friends, a guy he refers to as his brother. I was given a red alert call informing me of the loss in his platoon. Then went on to tell me my soldier was ok. After I hung up I cried my eyes out. To get a call and have them say Mrs. Dunham this is a red alert call there was a KIA. My heart utterly stopped and I felt my world crashing around me. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Then today when I was finally able to talk to him again he was so drawn into himself. That's not my husband. Then when I finally got him to open up he ranged from so many emotion. Anger, hate, pain, suffering. He is so messed up over this. As he talked to me my heart just repeatedly broke. Telling me how he kept asking himself why he couldn't of taken the guys place... Also told me the password to his labtop that there was a letter on it in case something happened to him. This all hit me so hard. It was stuff I never in a million years wanted to hear. Even worse than the talk about his will before he deployed. This of course isn't the first loss of a good friend for him over this. I believe because the guy was so close to being done and just recently had a little boy weighed heavily on my husband. I know going in to this line of work that tragedies would happen. Hearts would break, families would be ripped apart. and lives would never be the same. I guess deep down I pushed all that aside because I was afraid to think that there was a chance it would be my life that changed. In the end though this kind of work changes everyones lives involved.